hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
