and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
