So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every concussion has its silver lining
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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