i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
