I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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