I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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