dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
