Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
