why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
