Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
