I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We are all done wearing pants today
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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