My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
