that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
