im drinking this country out of the recession.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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