Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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