Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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