two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
