Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
