Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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