he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
