I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
