do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
