woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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