woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
