You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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