I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
