ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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