He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
