yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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