there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
