Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
