can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
