just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
