I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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