thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
