Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
