She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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