You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
