When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
