In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
