nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
