I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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