after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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