The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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