You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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