You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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