Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
