Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
