Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
