You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
